Angela's Ashes
by Noirness
Summary: A short story from Angela's perspective...Is she in Silent Hill to find her mama, or is she there to help James learn the truth?


A N G E L A ' S A S H E S

* * *

A/N: This story is very scattered and seems disorganized but let me just tell you this: This story is from Angela's perspective, as if she is not living nor dead. She's stuck in the middle, much like Mary, but she does not share Mary's optimism. It's kind of flat, but I haven't had time to edit it.

* * *

I keep searching through the sea of dismal grays and decayed browns. Somewhere amongst these messengers of life and death they lie in state; corpses rotting into the dead earth. I thought she was here...I thought the others were here too. 

I am lost.

That strange man was lost too. He said he was looking for someone, but I don't understand why he thought they would be in Silent Hill. There is nothing in Silent Hill. It would be easier for him to search the tombstones.

Maybe he's looking for his mama.

I miss my mama.

She was the only one who understood my pain, because she felt it too.

She felt it every time he raised his hand and every time he raised his voice.

I'm sorry I left her, but I had to run. I would have died if I stayed there. But I knew she understood. She always understood.

But where is she now? I thought she would be here.

_"Angela!"_

_"Please, daddy, no..."_

_"Get back here you little whore!"_

_"No...Daddy?...That hurts..."_

Mama didn't try to stop him. Mama couldn't save me. Maybe she isn't here after all. Maybe she left.

Maybe she's in that town...waiting for me.

* * *

I remember the blood and the screaming. I used a knife like the one I'm holding now. I feel so dirty and terrible. My brother was right...I should have used it on myself after what I did to my daddy. But I couldn't do it, so I ran. 

And now I lay here, away from that god awful mirror. If I look into, I might see my true self...the one I've been running from.

I still hurt. Everyday brings new pain.

I hear the footsteps, but I'm not even going to move.

"Oh...it's you."

That strange man again.

"Yeah...my name is James."

"Angela."

His voice sounds like an echo. I'm in a far away place right now. Not quite living, but not dead. Maybe Mama will forgive me.

He continues to speak:

"Angela... okay. I don't know what you're planning...But there's always another way."

I'm planning on leaving. I'm planning on finding my mama. He knows. He did it too.

"Really? But...you're the same as me. It's easier just to run. Besides, it's what we deserve."

"No... I'm not like you."

You are just like me. What do you think brought you here? We all know, and soon you will too.

"Are you afraid?"

He looks scared. Maybe he doesn't understand the anger and fear yet.

"I...I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Did you find your mother?"

My mama?

"Not yet...she's not anywhere."

"Did she live in this apartment building?"

Did she? I'm not sure...

"I don't know..."

"So all you know is she lived in this town?"

Mama? Are you in Silent Hill? How could he know?

"What did you say? How do you know that?"

"Well...I just figured, cause this is where you're looking for her. How else would I know?"

He's so stupid...

"Yeah..."

"Am I right?"

This town drains you...it's steals your soul. Mama's soul is here somewhere, and soon mine will be too. And his. And everyone's.

"I'm so tired..."

"So why did you come to this town anyway?"

Leave me alone.

"...I, I'm sorry. Did you find the person you're looking for?"

Mary. We know she's here.

"Not yet...Her name is Mary. She's my wife..."

"I'm sorry."

I'm sorry you'll have to learn the truth.

"It's okay. Anyway, she's dead. I don't know why I think she's here..."

She's not quite dead.

"She's dead?"

"Don't worry. I'm not crazy. Least, I don't think so..."

Not yet.

"I've gotta find my mama."

I stand up from my cold position on the floor. I don't have time to deal with those who are ignorant. I'm here to find my mama and find peace. He's here to find his dead wife...and he doesn't even know the truth.

I know the truth.

"Should I go with you? This town's dangerous. Now I know what you meant back there in the cemetery."

"I'll be okay by myself. Besides, I'd just slow you down."

"What about that?"

Daddy asked the same question. But he knew exactly what it was for.

"Will you hold it for me?"

I'm done with it now.

"Sure. No problem."

"If I kept it... I'm not sure what I might do."

Not to myself.

Not to daddy.

But to him.

I could carve him into tiny pieces...I could plunge the knife deep into his throat.

That's what you get you wife killer!

This is what I'm going to do to you before you do it to me!

He steps toward me.

"No!"

How could I do it again?

Once was enough.

But it was never enough for daddy.

His punishments never came in ones. They never came in one. They came in many.

"I'm sorry...I've been bad...Please don't..."

Don't hurt me.

* * *

"_No, daddy, please don't!"_

_"I told you never to touch other boys! Did you hear me?"_

_"Daddy...please don't punish me."_

_"You're mine...All mine!"_

_"Daddy...that hurts..."_

The monsters in this town aren't really monsters at all. They are pieces of your life...pieces that you are afraid of. Like daddy...that's why this monster looks like him. He has his face and his words. I am reliving horrible memories...

Yet I am watching myself from the outside. Like my spirit has lifted.

"Are you okay?"

James came to rescue me. He kills the monster. But I know his secrets...he just doesn't want me touching other boys. He wants me all to himself.

I take this opportunity to give my father what he deserves. I kick and scream and tell him he's nothing...

"Angela! Relax!"

"Don't order me around!"

I won't take orders anymore.

"I'm not trying to order you."

"So what do you want then? Oh I see, you're trying to be nice to me, right? I know what you're up to. It's always the same. You're only after one thing."

"No, that's not true at all..."

"You don't have to lie. Go ahead and say it. Or you could just force me. Beat me up like he always did."

Why doesn't he understand? We're here to help him find the truth.

"You only care about yourself anyway."

And you didn't care about Mary. Wife killer...

"You disgusting pig..."

"Angela..."

He tries to touch me, but it makes my skin crawl. He didn't care about Mary, so why would he care about me?

"Don't touch me! You make me sick!"

Wife killer...Daddy killer...it's different. It's not the same.

"You said your wife Mary was dead, right?"

"Yes, she was ill..."

"Liar! I know about you...You didn't want her around anymore. You probably found someone else."

She never hurt you.

I walk away. I can't stand it anymore.

I hear his voice...slowly fading into the abyss.

"That's ridiculous...I never..."

* * *

I know now that hell is where I belong. Mama is waiting for me there. Maybe even daddy, but there we will have only hate...no expectations. 

I know now that I must go into the flame. It will consume me, then I will be free. Maybe heaven will hold a spot for me, just in case. But I doubt it. I've been in hell for my whole life. It's all I know.

I was hoping to find Mama before I left. Then she could come with me.

Is that her? Beyond the flame?

Mama?

"Mama! Mama, I was looking for you. Now you're the only one left. Maybe then...Maybe then I can rest."

She backs away from me.

"Mama, why are you running away?"

I look closely at my mama, but she slowly fades away. Instead, someone else stands in her place.

"You're not Mama. It's you...I, I'm sorry..."

"Angela, no..."

"Thank you for saving me...But I wish you hadn't. Even Mama said it...I deserved what happened."

"No, Angela, that's wrong!"

"No. Don't pity me. I'm not worth it...Or maybe you can save me? Will you love me? Take care of me? Heal all my pain?"

You couldn't do it for Mary...so leave me alone.

"That's what I thought, James. Give me back that knife."

"No...I, I won't."

"Saving it for yourself?"

"Me? No...I'd never kill myself."

No, you'd rather kill others. Do you think Mary chose to die? At least you have a choice, James...We all have choices.

"It's hot as hell in here."

As I walk into the flame, I turn to look at him one last time. We will meet again, James...

"For me, it's always like this."

* * *

Riona: I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! I like centering these kinds of stories around the actual game dialogue so you're not bogged down by extra dialogue and can focus on the actual thoughts of the character. Thanks for the review! 

Silk Hope: Thanks for the review! My computer died recently and needed a good wipin' so I lost my Microsoft Office and haven't put it back on yet...ergo, I have no spell check. But I did pick up on the error upon re-reading a fixed it up. Thanks for pointing it out!


End file.
